Maybe “Saturday Night Live” has the answers?
Robert De Niro led “SNL’s” cold open Saturday night, resuming his role as Robert Mueller – this time in a slightly more forlorn fashion – having submitted his final report.
Wearing a fake square jaw, “Mueller” reiterated that his special counsel has drawn no conclusions around whether or not President Trump obstructed justice and could not prove a criminal connection to Russia.
Meanwhile, Aidy Bryant, playing Attorney General William Barr (“the guy who’s been here a month,” she deadpanned), appeared on screen while typing up a four-page summary the real Mueller delivered to the House and Senate Judiciary Committees last Sunday. “No collusion, no diggity, no doubt,” summarized Bryant.
Alec Baldwin, resuming his orange-hued Trump, promptly sounded an air horn.
Fake Mueller reminded that 34 individuals connected to the probe have been indicted. “The pardons are already in the mail,” retorted Baldwin as Trump. “Russia, if you’re watching, go to bed, Daddy won.”
De Niro then stated he hoped the entire report would be made public, minus a few redactions. “We’re going to black out everything except the words ‘no’ and ‘collusion,’ ” said Baldwin, holding up a piece of paper entirely inked in black.
Cue Kate McKinnon rising vampire-like from the floor of the Oval Office as Rudy Giuliani, to exclaim, “All my mind games worked!”